Inner Engineering

An eagle glided on the wind and moved in semi-circles taking in what must have been a great vantage point. About a hundred feet away I wondered what it would be like. For a few moments I caught a glimpse of being out in the vastness of open space. I left the park feeling free.

Inner Engineering has taken me there too. Like my park experience, I’ve only ever had glimpses of inner freedom. It’s a whole other universe. When I’m only focusing on the external, I generally end up taking instructions from my mind and lose sight of larger vantage point.

Who’s in control?

Determinism says things are predetermined. Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle says the opposite; since you don’t know where an electron is at any given moment. In either case, I might still be taking instructions from my mind if I’m not tending to my inner landscape. The more time between glimpses goes by the stronger my inclination to identify with my emotions and thoughts rather than the awareness behind them. In this state of mind the pictures and forms being produced can lead to feedback loops, which then become my reality. While focus is still possible, the day, circumstances, or whatever, begin to dictate the positive or negative quality of the loops and I become more inclined to forget the thing supporting it.

Gardening

Inner Engineering is like gardening. The more you do it the better you’ll be able to sustain the things you produce. In this type of gardening, you cultivate the good loops until you’re able to produce them no matter what happens. I imagine after some point the awareness behind the emotions and thoughts creating them comes to the surface full-time. I’ll keep choosing equanimous identities to handle everyday situations until mine fully blossoms.